There has been a quiet war waged on the pages of The Times-Tribune sports section — a war about social norms and personal hygiene.
A war about armpit hair.
This whole tangled problem began with the woeful end to football season in the Tri-County and the ushering in of a new season of sweaty, indoor, sleeveless sports coverage, otherwise known as high school basketball.
I’ve got nothing against basketball, but I’ve never been a big fan. It doesn’t have quite the draw in Texas as it does in the Bluegrass State. I follow my Saints and my Patriots — the Texans are a true embarrassment — but until this week, I didn’t know basketball had fieldgoals, too.
Being from the Deep South isn’t the only reason I never developed an appreciation for the sport.
I confess — I can’t enjoy boys basketball because I cringe when I see armpit hair.
A few weeks ago, two crusty little patches of wiry hair were the first thing I noticed when I turned to the sport page.
I could almost smell them.
So I made a casual comment to the sports editor that we might try to limit the amount of armpit hair that appears in our photos. It’s distracting from a picture. Surely any person — at least some women, right — would cringe at the sight of it.
Apparently this is not a common request, since it’s nearly impossible in boys basketball to get a photo of a hairless jump shot. Les Dixon thought I was kidding.
He also didn’t think I’d write a whole column on armpit hair.
I have a theory that he’s been sneaking as many underarms as he can on those pages, just to watch my reaction when I open the newspaper.
I’m of the belief that both genders should shave their underarm hair, or the least, keep it properly trimmed. I’m not disgusted by all body hair — but armpits are a whole other category. They don’t need to make deodorant the rest of your body hair.
In the time of human existence, the phenomena of shaving is relatively new, and was, at least in this country, dictated by fashion. Women began shaving their arms in the 1910s, when sleeveless garments became popular.
But shaving has benefits beyond the cosmetic. In sports, thick unruly underarms only trap more heat, and create more body odor.
So why do basketball players wear a sleeveless uniform and flash the patch during a game? Does a T-shirt sleeve significantly hinder the upward momentum during a drive to the basket?
I’ll never understand it. Bodybuilders usually shave their underarms. Swimmers do it to cut back on resistance. Why can’t we do this in basketball?
I’ll provide the razors and the gel to any team ready to shave for the sake of our readers (or maybe just me.) Until then, maybe I’ll attend a women’s game.
Samantha Swindler can be reached at sswindler@thetimestribune.com
